why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
