i love accidental penises.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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