I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
