escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize