is your mom at the bar?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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