its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize