i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
