So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
be right there i have to get my cape
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
