My nipple is on Facebook.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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