Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
