Well douche your snatch and let's go!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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