she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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