She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
