just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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