I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
