I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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