I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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