Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
