how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
