Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
