hell yes lets make some ravioli
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize