What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
