I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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