we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
