the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize