So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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