ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
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