so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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