he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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