Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
