I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
