I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
40s are totally the cure
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
