is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
