the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
