It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize