it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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