the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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