Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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