Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
