I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
