Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
