There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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