Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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