So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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