Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
