Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
