pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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