His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
