when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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