Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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