I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
