so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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