My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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