i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you win again, gameday.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
