waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
