By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
whose ass print is on the piano?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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