Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
