i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
