all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sext me about skeletons
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
