i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
