the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
