I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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