I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
