Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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