yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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