I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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