Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
