Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
